Don’t tell me how rocky the sea is, just bring the darn ship in!

Lou Holtz

My old University of Dayton History Professor, Dr. Larry Schweikart, and I were talking about this a while back. We were talking about this mindset that members of our society have, that they are entitled to assistance for just about anything that doesn’t go their way. They want somebody to step up and help them. He reminded me of Christopher Gardner, the man the movie and book Pursuit of Happyness is based on. Dr. Schweikart said, “Chris Gardner is a terrific example of someone who ‘made it’ (sold his investment firm for multiple millions) despite everything in the world being against him. At one point he was living on the subway. My first reaction was – this is exactly the kind of guy welfare should be helping–he’s out there trying. But upon further reflection, it may well have been that the only reason he made it was because he didn’t have welfare to fall back on. He had to make it.” Well said, Dr. Larry.

Don’t look at the hand you are dealt as an obstacle; look at it as an opportunity and move onward and upward. Get the job done, you can do it, you know you can!

I am often asked what I would do differently if I had a chance to start over again. The thought that almost always immediately comes to mind is find a mentor. I did not even know what the term meant 20 years ago, and I surely wish I had. If I had, I am certain I would be much farther along than I am now. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m doing okay, but I could have done better. And what better way is there to get better than to ask someone to help you who has done what you’re trying to do. Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? Well, it is.

A mentor is someone you enlist to help you achieve your goals. A goal in my mind is defined as a dream with a deadline. I’m sure that everyone reading this has a dream or two. And I would hope all of you want to accomplish some of those dreams. To improve your chances of being successful and to cut down on the time it takes to hit your targets, find an expert in the area you are working on.

Here are a few suggestions to find some help: Did you meet another business person that has impressed you? Did you like what a speaker you heard said about financial planning? If the answer is yes, I’d be asking those folks if you could periodically ask for their help and advice. Some mentors charge for their services; this is common. Others do not. In fact, I have had several mentors through the years who charged me a breakfast or a cheeseburger for their words of wisdom and I’ve had others charge me thousands for their advice and counsel. Only on very rare occasions did I not feel the investment was worth the time or money I put into it. My mentors have all been business men and women who take chances and have knowledge in some areas that I am lacking. I have learned a ton from them about finance, accounting, marketing, management, human resources, and even about being a dad and a husband.

So, my lesson and message is this. One of the best ways to cut down the time it takes to reach success is to find someone who has done what you are trying to do and ask them to help you. You don’t know if you don’t ask and there is nothing to lose by asking. Get a mentor; you’ll be glad you did.

How are your listening skills? For years I have had to work on listening. It truly is a skill that we all need to work on. Those who don’t listen miss much. This week, focus on your listening skills. Here are a few tips.

1. Look at the person who is talking to you and let them talk, focus on them and the message. Sometimes I will silently repeat the key words to myself while they are talking to me. Don’t let your eyes wander; that’s a real turnoff.
2. Ask questions as the person talks to you. Wait for a proper spot to ask a probing question or two. This does two things: it helps you understand what is being said and it shows the person speaking to you that you truly are listening.
3. Repeat what the message was so effective communication takes place. Don’t just repeat word for word; comment, or even expand upon what was said.

Listening really is something many of us struggle with, but with a focus on it, you can improve immediately. We’d all be better off at home and at work if we listened a little more to what people were saying.

This week’s Great Idea is to laugh a little. With the ripe old age of 40 lurking just around the corner from me, I find myself confronted daily by things–big and small, trivial and not so trivial–that just don’t seem to make any sense. So read on and just maybe you’ll enjoy a good laugh at my expense.

1. First of all, there are the low-fat blueberry muffins at Starbucks, which the diet-obsessed among us are evidently supposed to wash down with an enormous Frappuccino for breakfast and thereby consume more than half the daily calorie allowance by ten in the morning. But, hey, the muffin’s “low fat,” and it’s even got fruit!

2. And how about Abercrombie & Fitch, my daughters’ favorite clothing store? I cannot stand to set foot in the place–they blast horrible music at deafening levels, spray their cologne all over the store and even on the clothes themselves, and there’s not an employee in the place who’s old enough to vote and has an unpierced navel. I love taking my girls shopping, but I find myself groaning any time I’m in a mall in the same way my parents did when I was a teen and listened to Rush, doused myself in Ralph Lauren Polo cologne, and boldly strode out the door in my parachute pants. No wonder Mom and Dad were horrified!

3. Speaking of daughters, am I the only dad in America who thinks his kids can get by just fine without cell phones? My 11-year-old, Katie, has informed me that all her friends have cell phones and wants to know why she can’t too. I told her I managed to survive with a walkie-talkie when I was her age and I’d be happy to get her one too. “But Dad!” she wailed. “Walkie-talkies only work when you’re close to home!” To which I responded, “Great! Then you’ll never be far away!”

4. And then there’s my credit card, which grants me “free” airline miles every time I use it. The only problem is the “free” miles seem to apply only to 3 a.m. flights that depart and return on days that don’t end in “y,” and if I want to travel from, say, Dayton, Ohio, to Orlando, Florida, I’ll have to get there by way of a connecting flight out of LA, which will invariably be delayed. I admit I’m exaggerating, but I’m afraid not by much.

5. And now let me turn to politics. Do you think there will ever be a day when a viable candidate in any race will turn to the voting public and say, simply, “I’m not going to speak negatively about my opponent; in fact, I’m not going to speak about him at all. But I am going to tell you about the positive change I can make in this world.” Instead, we get smear attacks and people who aspire to lead our nation making jokes on Letterman.

6. Finally, I must ask what happened to the days of Orange Crush, the game of “kick the can,” toasted cheese sandwiches, The Bob Newhart Show, trapping fireflies and keeping them in a Mason jar with holes punched in the top, ColecoVision, striped tube socks, plain old Cheerios, little red wagons, not talking in church, writing thank-you notes, and reading? I’m not a particularly nostalgic kind of guy, but I find myself missing these simple pleasures and manners and wondering if we haven’t lost something important in the name of progress.

So take a moment to sit back and think about how our world has changed in the last 20 years. And after you’re done, come join me on the sofa to watch old Newhart reruns and sip from glass(!) bottles of Orange Crush while my kids duke it out over who gets to play the Wii next. Just ring me up on my on my walkie-talkie first to let me know you’re coming.